RICKY NUTTALL’S TALE FROM BEHIND THE DOOR
I won’t lie…. I was nervous.
For those who have never been inside a prison before, it’s surprisingly friendly. Despite the ominous entrances and continual locking and unlocking of gates as you make your way through exercise yards and onto wings, you feel safe.
Well, I did anyway. I believe this is partly down to the professionalism of the staff at HMP Portland, but also down to the genuine inclination for reform from the inmates I met.
That’s where the 100 and First Foundation comes in.
I had been asked to come and speak to the inmates that had asked for the opportunity to take part in the 8 week programme. During the course they will listen to guest speakers and hone or discover the qualities they will require for a successful transition from incarceration, back to the outside world. Our aim is to ensure that they become positive contributors to their communities.
As I stood in front of the 20 men, I felt nervous. But as I explained to them, this wasn’t due to the location or due to their pasts. It’s simply because bearing all to complete strangers, giving them everything they need to judge you and attack you, is a scary thing.
I now understand this is the same feeling these men would feel upon declaring spent convictions on a job application form.
I spoke to the men about fear. About compassion. Vulnerability, loneliness, mistakes, environments, failure, success heartbreak and devastatingly poor mental health due to PTSD and Depression. All things which I have experienced. I spoke about my attendance at the Grenfell Tower fire in June 2017 and how, nearly 5 years later, I’m still in a recovery.
Something that struck me with this talk, was the willingness of my audience to listen, process and apply my experiences to their own pasts, presents and most importantly, their futures. Most, if not all of these men have been failed along the way and it starts a descension into a life of confusion and fear. This manifests itself in many ways but has ultimately led to them all committing crime.
But here they are in front of me, driven, excited and full of hope that this programme will enable them to turn their lives around and find their freedom. Not just from the overbearing walls that remind them of their past transgressions, nut freedom from their own minds that led them here in the first place.
I was very proud to be there talking to those men, desperate for reform.
“Bloody hell,” I thought, “this programme really works.”
Ricky Nuttall
Patron of the 100 and First Foundation